I miss my normal!

Why does something that you are expecting coming still feel like a kick in the gut?!?!  I believed in my heart of hearts that Governor Pritzker was going to close Illinois schools for the remainder of this acadmic school year and for good reason!  I 100% agree that this is what is best for our students, staff, and community.  Yet hearing him say this out loud today had me sobbing.  I mean UGLY crying people!

I MISS my students. I MISS my coworkers. 

In some ways, I miss my overwhelming "regular" workload...I miss my dumb commute and all the accompanying tolls (not really but kind of).  I miss hearing about the "I forgot table" which is something my buiding staff can completely relate to lol.  I miss bus duty.  I miss having to wear a walkie talkie and hearing or asking for somoeone to repeat themselves again and again.  I miss my 730 special ed meetings on Thursdays.  I miss the clutter of my shared office... (no I really don't but that's just because I'm type A) because I love my office mates.

What I really miss is hearing "Mrs. Edge!".  I miss finding two specific students who hide in the EXACT same spot before each session so that I can be "surprised". I miss the arm squeezes from one of my students who does that to show his love and excitement.  I miss all of the one liners that I always swear I'm going to write down but never do because I'm too busy.  I miss those firsts...the first requests, the first independent use of a coping strategy, the first spontaneous peer interaction....So many of these firsts which are WHY I love my job.

This is so different and SO MUCH harder!  I'm working 10-14 hours a day.  I really wish I was exageratting but I'm not. :(  Having to learn all the tech so that I can create individualized lessons for each of my students and then linking them in order to remain confidentiality.  ALL of the zooms...soooo many zooms lol.  All of the emails...sooo many emails.  Lastly documenting everything that I'm doing is just so time consuming.  I really wish it wasn't necessary but I get it...it is what it is.

This is all just so sad but I'm not going to allow myself to stay here for very long.  My students need me.

Becky